Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Another day in Cell Block A

Dear Andrew & Abby,

This time, I have a story to tell on Andrew...

Andrew, for a while now, you've been testing the waters and trying to figure out how to sneak things out of the house and in to day care and/or school without being caught. I wouldn't be telling you now how it was that I always ALWAYS knew, but I sense it won't matter for much longer. You are getting sneakier. In the past, you have given yourself away by your behavior when we arrive at day care. On normal days, you trudge along, usually follow me to Abby's room first, then wander to wherever you are supposed to be until your bus leaves. However, on mornings when you have contraband, you fly from the van, race into the building, and make a grand gesture of "I'll just kiss you here, Mom, so you don't have to come down to my room. Really, it's okay." Or something along those lines. Since you are also a poker fiend (a topic for another time), I'll use a poker analogy: it's your tell. But this morning, something new happened.

You have some new Yu-Gi-Oh cards that you got from McDonald's (wow, THANKS, Day Care, for feeding my kids Happy Meals for lunch - Seriously, don't they know they are supposed to be BETTER care givers than I am and not feed you guys that crap?!?!) and I saw you leaving your room with them hung slyly by your side. I reminded you that you would not be taking those to day care (we have a rule: No toys go to day care/school. A rule instituted after the Great GameBoy Debacle of 2006) and you said you just wanted to play with them until we left. Ooookay...So I informed you that I would be giving your pockets a pat-down (yes, prison guard style) before we left.

Later, when we were leaving, I noticed you in your room, putting on your stocking cap. This was a little odd, since your hat wasn't in your room to start with and you didn't have your coat on or with you, but I think I might have let it slide if it had just been that. But then you said this while pointing to the Yu-Gi-Oh cards stacked at the end of your bed: "See, Mom, all my Yu-Gi-Oh cards, right there." See what I mean, it's your tell. So when you walked over to me, I just put my hand on top of your hat and gently squeezed. Amazingly, your hair felt flat and cardboard-like, much like a Yu-Gi-Oh card tucked into your hat might feel. Oh, wait! Those ARE Yu-Gi-Oh cards tucked into your hat!! You crack me up. And the fact that you were SO MAD at me for catching you was just priceless. You didn't speak much to me for the rest of the morning, but I still had to stifle a laugh at this latest attempt. I could just see you thinking: 'She said she was going to check my pockets. Fine. I won't put them in a pocket! That will fool her. BWAHAHAHA!!!' After I dropped you off, I immediately called your dad and told him we're going to have to reinstitute the daily prison-guard pat-downs and be even more vigilant - you are starting to figure out this whole sneaky thing. Let's hope we don't have to escalate these to strip searches. That will really mess with our morning schedule.

The Prison Guard (Mommy)

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