Dear Andrew & Abby,
There are many times when I feel like one of the worst parents in the entire world. I think it's a pretty common side-effect of motherhood. I have spoken to other women who have had the same thoughts. Of course, we can't all be the worst parent in the world. At least not at the same time. Occasionally, I like to indulge in watching SuperNanny (when I can sneak in a few minutes between Daddy's Sports Center and World Poker Tour) because it helps to prove that there really are other parents out there struggling with bigger discipline issues than we have in our house. But sometimes I doubt the truth of SuperNanny. After all, it is television - reality television. And how real can that be, when Rob and Amber have been kicked off the Amazing Race?
Luckily, I need look no further than our local news for solid proof that your mommy is at least not the worst parent in Indiana. Several months ago, this happened in Indianapolis. See? At least your mommy always makes sure you put on a hat when you go for your daily walk down the interstate. And then just this week, there were two more stories meant to help reassure parents all through the great Hoosier state that, in the race for last, we aren't even in the running. Do I need to remind you that Mommy makes sure that you are wearing your helmet and knee pads before throwing you from the car window? And the feces - hey, Mommy always wipes up the poo after we have finger poo-painting time.
Okay, clearly, I joke. But my first reaction to the latest story about the boy who was stabbed was a phrase that is abbreviated WTF - and one of those words is definitely a word you two should not be hearing or saying. So I joke to avoid thinking about the kind of parents who consider some of these home situations normal and acceptable for their children. And really, based on a couple of other stories in the news recently - the father in Pennsylvania who knocked his child unconscious and left her outside to die, the Michigan father who strangled and then dismembered the mother of his two children while they slept down the hall - Indiana isn't the only one with parenting issues.
In all seriousness, stories like these make me want to go crawl into bed with both of you and cuddle and kiss you and promise you that I will never leave you in filth, let you walk down the interstate in just your undies, or associate with anyone who would ever stab you and throw you from the car window. And then I want to lock you in your plastic bubbles so you will never be exposed to this kind of insanity - so you never even know it exists. But since I've managed to catch whatever bug you and Daddy have had, I guess for tonight I'd better just take my ibuprofen and climb in bed. Right after I set the timer to record SuperNanny.
Not the Worst Mommy in Indiana, or even the Mid-West, at least not this week