It's come to this

Dear Andrew & Abigail,

Tonight, we reached a turning point. I have said frequently (usually at bedtime) in the last months that I have seriously considered locking one or both of you in your rooms. Your aunt Audra reached that point with cousin Georgia. To be honest, I judged her for it. Well I am paying the price for that judging now. I tried to understand then how things could possibly reach the point where the only way to control a three-year-old child was to lock her in her room, but I just could not imagine the level of frustration and desperation that would lead to that. It seemed so extreme. NOW I understand. I understand the temper tantrums. The hitting. The kicking. The screaming like a caged wild animal. You think I exaggerate. If I could load audio and video here - and had a camera person from Super Nanny's crew to film it all so I could still have hands free to ward off the blows - I would find a way, just so I could have a record later of what happens on an all too regular basis in this house.

And so here we are.

I know that the reason we are here on this specific evening is because of our weekend. As fun as it was to see our friends in Tennessee, I know that the repercussions of disrupting your schedule so drastically are these fits from both of you, but more fiercely from Sweet Abigail. For Andrew, everything is hard, frustrating, unfair. We're hearing a lot of exasperated pre-teen "GAWD!!!" (ooh, I HATE that!). For Abby, living and breathing is just pure torture. The tiredness possesses her little body like a demon, turning my Sweet Abigail into Screaming Mimi. There is nothing to do but wait it out. But an audience of any kind feeds the demon. Isolation is our exorcist. And so, the lock.

I would much rather be talking about how much fun we had this weekend visiting Patrick and Ainsley and the Dinosaur Bounce House. You both did so much better on the drive than I had hoped for -- thanks to our pre-travel purchase:

You had fun swimming, bouncing, digging, sliding...all the things summer should be about. Bedtime in the hotel was okay each night, with only one major fit-throwing incident when we passed the point of no return with Abby. But mostly, you two snuggled in with Mom, Dad, or sibling and fell asleep on your own without major drama. A blessed change of pace. And Mommy and Daddy got to spend some time with our long lost friends. It was one of the most wonderful Memorial Day Weekends ever. But then we came home to reality. And now our reality includes a lock on Abby's door to keep the demon contained. I am sad, and I'm wishing for a Super Nanny fairy to come and fix this. Clearly, your parents are not having any luck. I feel like a bad mommy. That I am failing you both. That I should be able to make this work. But I have resorted to locking Abby's door. And it makes me sad.

Why can't every day be like vacation?

love,

Mommy

Updated: Daddy wasn't home when I put up the lock. He is not happy with Mommy, but I think he's mostly angry that I put a hole in the door. He is not seeing the problem. And that is making me even more sad. love, Mommy

And the award goes to...

Dear Andrew & Abby,

Abby is a drama queen. There's no simple way around it. I've known this was coming for a while. The last few weeks have seen an increase in the dramatic tears and tantrums. But this morning Abby might just have won the award for Most Dramatic Loss of a Spoon.

It all started with your morning oatmeal and the Blue's Clues spoon. It has a Blue's Clues blue rubbery handle. Granted, it's a cute spoon and all, but it's a SPOON. I wasn't in the kitchen when the spoons were selected, so I honestly can't say how the problem began. All I know is that Abby came into the bathroom while I was still in the shower crying and wailing about the blue spoon. I misunderstood the issue and told Andrew to get the other blue spoon (it has a darker, not rubbery, but still blue handle), thinking that it would solve the problem. You were both back minutes later. This time, I figured out what was really going on. Andrew had the Blue's Clues spoon. And Abby wanted it.

I have to stop here to apologize to Andrew. Over the last couple of months, Abby has developed a very strong - and loud - will. She throws fits like Andrew never did. Because Andrew doesn't do that, Daddy and I have a tendency to find the fastest way to make the noise stop, and that often includes giving Abby what she wants, even if it means taking that something away from Andrew or making Andrew compromise enough to convince Abby she is getting her way. That's not fair to Andrew. I have been trying to stop myself from doing this. Both because it is unfair to Andrew and because it's not doing Abby any favors in the long run, either. Obviously.

So this morning, a large part of me wanted to just tell Andrew to give Abby the spoon already. It's just a spoon, for crying out loud! But for once, the smarter mom inside of me stood up and said, yes, it's only a spoon, but it's not about that - it's about making Andrew give in, and it's not fair. I offered some options to Abby, none of which she was interested in. Finally, I told her that she could wait until Andrew was done eating his oatmeal and that I would wash the spoon for her. So she waited - right next to Andrew, screaming and crying the entire time. Here is Andrew eating his oatmeal with the Blue's Clues spoon:

I tried to get Abby in the picture to show the drama, but she ran away. Here she is checking the spoon drawer to see if another Blue's Clues spoon has appeared and running away when she discovered that a) there was still no second BC spoon, and b) Mommy was trying to take her picture:

And here she is after waiting for Andrew to finish and Mommy to wash the spoon so she could eat her cold oatmeal:

Notice the drama has passed as quickly as it began. All is right with the world, and it's even okay to take her picture now. Abby, start practicing this now: "I'd like to thank the Academy..."

love,
Mommy

They should call it Spend-Too-Much-On-Stuffed-Animals-You-Could-Get-Anywhere-And-Lots-Of-Unnecessary-Accessories-Because-Those-Kids-Are-Just-So-Cute

Dear Andrew & Abby,

First, the applesauce update:

*Cinnamon applesauce - HUGE hit with Andrew. I had one serving, Andrew ate the rest in two sittings. And asked for more.

*Strawberry applesauce x2 - mixed reviews. They ate some, said they liked it, but are a slightly resistant. I think it's great, but still like the chunky better.

*Next - I bought 6 more pounds of apples so I can make Andrew more cinnamon applesauce and I am going to try some pear applesauce. I have to hurry, so I can give my friend her Pampered Chef corer/peeler/slicer back. Even though I don't really want to give it back ever. You two should seriously think about getting me this for Mother's Day. If I promise always to blend and chill the applesauce before I make you taste it? Please?

Anyway, this weekend, Grandma Dottie and Papa came to visit. On Saturday, we had the big Cub Scout Pinewood Derby. Andrew and Daddy worked on the car all week and it looked pretty good. He came in 2nd in his Wolf den. He was a little disappointed, but I was very proud of him. I did get a little irritated with Papa for commenting that he didn't think they ran the race fairly and that they should've raced Andrew and Logan's (the boy who won) cars again, and on and on. And ON and ON! I might have agreed with him, but Andrew would have been better off not hearing that. He picked up on the talk of injustice and started saying he should have won. I had to talk to him about good sportsmanship. Eventually, he worked through it and was fine. But I think Papa might need another lesson.

Daddy and Papa left the Derby to go to a basketball game (Purdue vs. Illinois), and Grandma Dottie and I took you both shopping. For Abby's birthday, Grandma wanted to get her a Build-A-Bear. We took a trial run the week before and Abby told me she wanted the frog. This is particularly funny because Grandma Dottie is TERRIFIED of frogs. In fact, it is a running family joke that we always sneak some kind of frog gift in for Grandma at Christmas. It's my way of helping her to get over her fear. And it's being a little bit spider. (You two probably don't get that last comment. I'll explain it some day.)

When we got to the Bear store, I tried to talk her into the beautiful sparkly pink and purple bear (her two favorite colors) with butterflies on its nose and one paw. It is really very cute and very Abby. I almost had her convinced, and then she remembered the frog. She literally threw the bear down and yelled, "I want the frog!" So, she got the frog, and picked a Cinderella outfit for it. Grandma took the frog-worship in stride, and even let me take her picture with it. As she said, it doesn't look like a REAL frog. She takes the frog jokes pretty well. I think the frog Christmas gifts are really helping!

Andrew also needled Grandma into buying him a Build-A-Bear for HIS birthday (which is still a month away). He picked a cute husky dog. And a puppy that magnetically sticks to the dog's mouth. And a Jeff Gordon racing outfit. Poor Grandma spent a load. I also bought Colts outfits for both of your animals: football player for Andrew's Buddy, cheerleader for Abby's Hoppy.

Then, Abby had a mega meltdown right when we left B-A-B. Complete with screaming, throwing herself to the ground, tears, judgemental stares from strangers, the whole shebang. The cause was my refusal to carry her through the mall. Why? Because we HAD A STROLLER for just such a reason. I had to forcibly strap her in, then tip the stroller back on two wheels to push it through the mall because she was lurching forward and to the side and dragging her feet on the ground. Thankfully, the straps held, because I'm guessing there would have been more judgemental stares from strangers - and maybe Grandma - if I'd managed to let Abby leap headfirst from the stroller and land on the hard cement floor. We stopped to throw pennies in the fountain and the tantrum finally passed. I chalk it up to Grandma's influence keeping me in line that I did not offer to give you away to a random stranger. Maybe you two should be asking her to come over more often.

This afternoon, we went bowling before Grandma and Papa had to leave for home. Andrew scored 100! He beat Daddy! And almost beat me, but I did manage to squeak by with a 106 (this is very shocking because normally your Daddy is the better bowler, but I was good and didn't gloat!). Obviously, we're not a family of bowlers. But you both love it and you had a good time. And considering how tired and cranky you were before we left, you must really like it, because you were both very well-behaved. Daddy and I agreed that we should take you bowling more often. I think Daddy just wants to practice so he can beat Andrew.

This is getting pretty long, but I do have one more thing I wanted to write about. With all the Colts mania going on, we talk about them a lot in our house. The other day, Andrew was listing off the players he knows. I had to get this down for future reference. Here is Andrew's list:

• Peyton Manning (his favorite)
• Marvelous Harrison (that would be Marvin Harrison)
• Reggie Wayne (sometimes referred to as Wayne Reggie)
• Shockley (apparently, he doesn't have a first name)
• and my favorite, Joseph the Guy (that's Joseph Addai)
  

He also likes to tell me that he only likes one player for the Patriots - Tom Brady. I told him he needs to keep that to himself because he's in Colts Country!


Love,
Mommy